internal distances

the weight of my foot on the floor seems to sound farther than ever before
and i want to put my arms around you.
i wanted you to put your arms around my waist, and tell me only one time.
i have finished now like the last stream of smoke from cigarette lit lips
and i am done.
i left you by the path by the lake on a walk today
i left you by the path, so in my thoughts you could still
trace your way back to my door step
i secretly didn't want you to stay there forever.
i wanted you on the right track.
you secretly didn't want me.

i grabbed the branches to the bushes that got in my way
and cracked them in the palm of my hand.
i held your hand on the drive home.
letting go of mine in intervals to shift gears.
my brain is shifting gears,
my body in 3rd and my heart is in reverse.

i can smell the ocean in the morning when i leave my house
and i just think that you're out there fishing for a new me.
i could break your spine. and i would throw you
back into the sea.