jibber jabber

churning and whirling in bed like
a buttered up piece of bread you
are toasting in the heat

i told you once, how i felt
i felt like waffle batter
i said, and you pressed me
into small cubes
and served me to our company

we invited them over for dinner
they stayed one whole week
could not get enough of your breakfast
darling
but now you're a slice of whole wheat

haiku for those off to the obituary section

they fanned the flat sheet
over her face, like making
an emptied out bed

untitled

solstice time, when the
lightest moment is the darkest,
and time is
no longer
noticeable

soft words on your lips make the promise of your wish

no pain was felt after the car crash
just soft white lights and echoed voices
hushing over your body
a blurred and untraceable reason
there is a reason for your death tonight.
because you asked for it in the morning light

untitled

honey licked fingers and liquored up dancers
whirring in my head.
under crows wings
and sparrow legs
and raven eyes we walk
can not fly

untitled

dreaming of nowhere
air that has hidden the smiles
of the sky,
and smell that would sweeten
the smell of our collision.
lavender in the night air
when the pavement was still
wet, we wrote our names
with sticks.
and pressed in the palms of our hands
years from now they will remember our names
even when we no longer do

internal distances

the weight of my foot on the floor seems to sound farther than ever before
and i want to put my arms around you.
i wanted you to put your arms around my waist, and tell me only one time.
i have finished now like the last stream of smoke from cigarette lit lips
and i am done.
i left you by the path by the lake on a walk today
i left you by the path, so in my thoughts you could still
trace your way back to my door step
i secretly didn't want you to stay there forever.
i wanted you on the right track.
you secretly didn't want me.

i grabbed the branches to the bushes that got in my way
and cracked them in the palm of my hand.
i held your hand on the drive home.
letting go of mine in intervals to shift gears.
my brain is shifting gears,
my body in 3rd and my heart is in reverse.

i can smell the ocean in the morning when i leave my house
and i just think that you're out there fishing for a new me.
i could break your spine. and i would throw you
back into the sea.

missing the winter

snow ball packed as hard as ice
smashes into his face
bruising at first crush
black and blue like the sky tonight
and yellowing like the morning
yellowing as it heals,
and i can see the pain sinking in
looking down and holding hand over cheek
bones and numb skin where laughter
spilled away and the coldness of this day
and the coldness of this day is finally standing up
but shrugging.
ashamed of what it had become.

untitled

slowly blackening like the yellow of a banana peel
your eyes are darker than the logs left over
from beach fires
and the trees half frazzled from
forest fires.
your flame is burning out.
your flame is burning out.

untitled

this is a story of a blue old man
with rings on his fingers
and a cane in his hand
skin falls into where cheeks used to be
and the grins he grins are all fake to me.

new enemy

listen to the screen door slam
and stagger into this desert town
dried up and no booze
to drown
yourself in.
just keep on walking, new foe,
old friend.

first love.

skin is soft against mine
a first love,
a first kiss i stole from you
not knowing if you wanted it to be taken.
but our love was like milk.
our love is milk.
expiration date was printed
across foreheads, behind fences
underneath smiles, and in between eyelashes.
walk me home in the snow
take my hand in the cold
nothing could touch this.
nothing is going to compare,
i have concluded
that i will never find this again,
never find you again.

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polished marbles
you collected
to play on this polished
floor.
i choked with mouth full of
them.
youre full of something..
i said. laughed. etched
under nails at the dirt
from our garden out back,
got lost in there,
the sun made the only
direction to follow.
the sun is the only direction to follow.

untitled

i forget who held me
who sat me on their knee
at the funeral of my father,
i just forget.

i forgot what to do today
i was scolded with long fingers
and judged harder than i have ever been.
i forgot what it felt like to be hated.
i just forgot.

and..
and so i wanted someone to love me
because i remember how that feels
and i remember how it feels to be with out it
i should just forget it.

untitled

so easily disposable, dispensable.
you are
not the only one i have had on that bed
old chap.
you are not the only one i have ever had
in my mind.
and i hate the past but it has happened
and i know it will always be there
has made me who i am
and willow trees hold my secrets
in their leaves
and they only seep out
when its raining
and when its raining,
no one can tell if i am crying.
so i walk in this days heavy shower.
and i am walking,
and i am silent.
my mother said
always to hold my weight
be quiet when i am
wandering, walking
my mother said to always
hold my weight.

speechless

i took the look you gave
and put it in my pocket.
where moths beat their wings
they bite at my jeans
the ones that hang in my closet.
and i am soft spoken around you.

and my brother shakes your hand
but asks questions later.
i never had any answers
and i never wrote letters
to put on paupers graves
i am soft spoken around you.

where blades of grass
grew higher than my knees
i walked
and drew a hand to touch the lilac
that grew towards me
such sweet haze they bring to
this dry air

and i can't speak around you